Never Alone
by Ladyamesindy
Summary: Choices. In the end, everything came down to the choices one made during their life. Good, bad, otherwise - it was the difference between living a full life versus simply existing from one moment to the next was made. Andi Shepard had faced that challenge many times over the years and done well in the process. At least until Virmire.


_**This was prompted by a conversation between myself and Seacilin some months ago on Tumblr that resulted in me agreeing to write some 'Sad Shenko'. This is the result.**_

* * *

Choices.

In the end, everything came down to the choices one made during their life. Good, bad, otherwise - it was the difference between living a full life versus simply existing from one moment to the next was made. Andi Shepard had faced that challenge many times over the years and done well in the process.

At least until Virmire.

~ 0 ~

"_Go!" Kaidan shouted over the comm link, the urgency to convince his Commander battling, quite literally, with the will to survive long enough to ensure the mission succeeded. "Get Ashley and get out of here, Shepard! You know it's the right call."_

"_Scratch that, LT," Ash shouted back before Andi even had an opportunity to respond. "The bomb is more important. It HAS to go off. Commander, go … get Alenko. Make sure that bomb detonates or this will all have been for nothing."_

_Andi's scowl of frustration could be heard in her tone. "Stop it both of you," she ordered flatly. "We're all getting out of here - and by ALL, I mean ALL. Got that?"_

_There was a moment of silence, broken only by one word. _

"_There." _

_Andi froze, hearing grim determination and resolve in Kaidan's voice as he made that pronouncement. "Kaidan … what did you do?" _

"_I set the bomb so it will go off - no matter what happens," he replied. The sounds of battle surrounding him intensified. "You've got ten minutes. Now go, Commander. Get Williams and just … go."_

_There was a soft clicking sound signalling the switch of comm link channels, and for a moment Andi thought Kaidan had disconnected completely. "Kaidan," she whispered in near panic, voice breaking. Both Wrex and Garrus gave her concerned looks, but Andi ignored them. _

"_I'm here."_

_This time, there was a sort of calm, resoluteness in his tone, and that told Andi all she needed to know. She felt her heart sinking, breaking into innumerable pieces at the thought. Biting her lip, she held back the scream of denial that wanted to escape. _

"_Andi, go." His voice was gentle, in stark contrast to the chaos surrounding them on this planet. "You are closer to Ash, she is in more need of help. I've got this."_

"_But … Kaidan, you promised," she whispered even as she signalled Wrex and Garrus in the direction of the AA towers. Damn, she hated when Kaidan was right!_

"_I know … and I'm sorry." Dinner on the Citadel next time they docked. A bit of shore leave together for a change. They'd decided to take the next careful step towards something that had been building ever so slowly since they'd first met …._

_Her helmet hid the tears that leaked from anguish-filled eyes. "You," she began, only to be interrupted by one of Saren's krogan popping out from behind a corner. A minute later, she tried again. "You always have to have the last word, don't you?"_

_She heard a grunt of pain in his voice, the soft static as he used his biotics. "You … say that like it's … a bad thing," he rasped. Another groan combined with a louder burst of static._

"_Stay with me," Andi pleaded softly. _

"_I will … I promise …." _

_Another crackle of static at this point, combined with the roar of battle behind them told Andi more than she needed to know at that point. She bit her lip, drawing blood in her efforts to keep from screaming his name across the comm. He wouldn't have heard it anyway …._

~ 0 ~

He promised to stay … and then he was gone. It took long while for Andi to realize that, after a fashion, he had kept his promise.

The first time she'd heard the 'voice,' she'd written it off as trauma-related hallucinations. PTSD. Stress. Anything but what she _hoped_ it might be. To hope would mean to acknowledge that attachment still existed and put herself back out in the open as a target. Hope meant that she would find disappointment over and over again. Grief would know no end. Hope would make her weak.

However, as the strain continued to take its toll, as the path to victory neared its end, Andi could swear she heard his voice more clearly than ever. Beside her. Inside her. Guiding her. Hope shifted to acceptance with an ease that did not require acceptance from her; it just was. By the time they achieved victory over Saren and Sovereign, Andi could savor it with him almost as if he was there.

But that victory was short lived.

~ 0 ~

Andi struggled to maintain her balance as she brought up the emergency beacon, preparing it for launch. Ignoring the death and destruction surrounding her, her hands moved quickly and confidently over the console. She knew what she had to do.

"Shepard, Joker won't leave the bridge!"

Cursing softly, Andi turned to face Ashley. "I'll take care of Joker," she told the Chief. "You head down to the escape pods, make sure everyone gets aboard."

"But, Shepard -"

"Go!" Andi hated raising her voice to Ash. The woman was a good friend. "That's an order, Chief! Get the crew onto the pods. I'll get Joker."

Two sets of eye held for a long moment before Ashley nodded and turned to leave. Only then did Andi turn back to the console, activating the mayday signal. From that point, it was just a matter of getting to Joker and convincing her stubborn helmsman that it was time to abandon ship. It took some doing, but she finally got him to agree. "Ouch!" he yelped at one point as she slid a shoulder beneath his arm. "Crippled guy here, remember?"

Andi managed a soft chuckle as she led him to the lifepod nearby. "I bet you say that to all the girls," she quipped while easing him inside. He pulled himself in the rest of the way and she moved to follow until a violent lurch of the ship had her fingers losing their grasp on the door.

"Shepard!"

The full impact of the unexpected jolt hit Andi immediately. Thankfully, she was able to reach out and press the launch button, guaranteeing at least Joker's continued survival. But for herself …. It took longer for her to realize that the oxygen lines had snapped when she'd been thrown against the bulkhead, but when she did, even though she knew her chances of survival at that point were minimal, she felt panic setting in. Frantically, she tried reaching behind her to seal the breach.

"_Andi … you're not alone."_

She half sobbed during her struggles. "Kaidan …."

"_I'm here."_

From one instant to the next, Andi felt the panic inside her still. There was no more fear. "Kaidan …." Her breathing became increasingly ragged as the lack of oxygen began to hit her fully, but she did not fight it.

"_I'm here, Andi."_

In the distance, as her eyes began to close, she could see the stars and planets, their brightness an almost overwhelming sensation as her lids dropped closed one last time ….

~ 0 ~

"Andi."

Startled by the closeness of his voice, Andi's eyes popped open … to find herself standing in the middle of a field, sunlight shining down upon her. Squinting, she could see a familiar looking ancient styled frame house in the distance. And behind her ….

Spinning around, Andi came to several realizations all at once. First, she no longer was having trouble breathing. Second, she was dressed casually, like a civilian - jeans, t-shirt, boots, and her hair was hanging loose and free around her shoulders, the dark waves moving with motion and wind. And third ….

Slowly, almost reverently, she lifted her hand and rested it against his cheek, feeling the rough, slight stubble beneath her palm. "Kaidan," she breathed, half sob, half relief. Launching herself towards him, she tightened her arms around his shoulders as his secured around her waist.

As she dropped back to her feet, Andi thought she noticed a wistfulness in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

He echoed her earlier movement, reaching out to cradle her cheek in his palm, pulling her close so he could kiss her. But then he reached for her hand and tugged. "Come with me," he told her quietly. "We don't have much time."

Frowning, Andi stumbled after him. "What do you mean, not much time?" she asked.

He led her to the crest of a hill, one that looked out over the vastness of fields, the house off to their left, a barn nearby as well, and several vehicles in the yard. "Tell me about this place," Kaidan said while turning to face her.

Blinking, Andi looked around. "It's … Mindoir," she breathed softly. "Our old homestead. Back before the batarian raid ..."

Hearing the words aloud broke the thought into confused pieces and she frowned. Glancing up at him, she asked, "Kaidan, what's going on? The last thing I remember was …." She swallowed tight. "The _Normandy_ going down. Why am I here, of all places?"

He nodded. "I know." Turning again, he pulled her close and led her over to the shade of a nearby tree. Taking a seat, he tugged gently on her arm. "Sit with me? Please?"

She sat, leaning against him as her eyes scanned the area. There was such peace her. Quiet. Calm. After a life so filled with chaos, did she not deserve this as her reward?

"You can't stay," he murmured, his arm sliding around her shoulders in response to her unasked question.

"But … why?" she demanded almost angrily. "Haven't I earned it? Don't I -"

She silenced herself as his arm tightened around her. "You have," he assured her, "and you will, but not today. You still have more to do." His arm gestured down towards the farmhouse and it was then that Andi saw the two figures out by the barn. "Tell me about them," Kaidan requested.

Sighing, she wrapped her arm around him in return. "I want to stay," she murmured quietly.

He pressed a kiss to her hair and smiled. "You will soon enough. Now tell me about them."

Another sigh, but less out of frustration. "Those are my parents. My grandmother will be inside, probably with my sister and our dog …."

~ 0 ~

"Kaidan?" She could feel his presence nearby. Now, of all times, she desperately needed that connection.

_I'm here._

She hobbled along slowly, one step after another. "Tell me I'm doing the right thing," she whispered brokenly. "Tell me … this is the right choice."

_Whatever choice you make will be the right one,"_he replied. _Only you can make it. You were meant to do this, Andi._

She sniffed, felt the metallic tang of blood on her lips. Every bone inside her body ached beyond anything she had ever felt before. Breathing was difficult, but manageable. Pain was a word that had lost all meaning to her at this point.

Another step. Then another. "Kaidan?"

_Right here._

The ramp leading upwards nearly tripped her, but she finally made it to the top and turned. For the briefest of moments, she hesitated, her eyes focused on the target before her. "Stay with … me," she pleaded softly, voice breaking.

_Always._

She took a breath. Then another, deeper one. Finally, arm rising, she took aim and started forward. As she moved, she noticed that with each step, with every shot she took, her body straightened. Her aim never faltered. Her confidence never once wavered. In that last moment, as the explosion of fire and flame and smoke claimed her, she felt his presence surround her, holding her, joining her. _Always_, he'd said. It was something she could believe.

~ 0 ~

The sound of shifting rubble, suspiciously casual in its collapse, broke through the darkness. It grasped her unforgivingly, clinging tightly to convince her to hold fast. The sharp rasping gasp, the only clue that life still flowed, weak as it might be.

A breath. A hope.

"K-Kaidan …."

_Relax, Andi_.

Andi found a smile, though it slipped immediately into a grimace with the fierce clawing at her chest. It was hauntingly familiar. Consciousness was hazy, floaty, one minute there, the next gone. She had no sense of time; her only sense of place came from the floating debris and ships barely visible over the edge of the rubble next to her. _Citadel. _"It's … it's over," she rasped.

_It is. You did it, Andi. _

It was on the tip of her tongue to correct him. To point out that 'they' had done it. Together. But out of instinct, she tried to shift her body and a sharp lance of the pain seared across her hip, up her back, through her neck. The cry that escaped her lips then was that of an animal wounded beyond endurance; the moves were her final death throes.

"Skipper!"

The shout, still far in the distance, was familiar, she thought, but she couldn't be bothered to figure it out right then.

_It's Ashley._

Andi's eyes closed tightly, a few scattered tears leaking through as she thought of her friend. Recalling Ash's last demand as they prepared for that final assault.

"_Don't you dare leave me alone again, Skipper!"_

_Andi's grin was one of mild amusement. Clapping the other woman's shoulders, she murmured, "You're never alone, Ash. Isn't that what you always told me?"_

"_You know what I mean!"_

_Andi turned to face the younger woman. "Whatever it takes. Remember?" When Ash nodded, Andi smiled, repeating, "Whatever it takes."_

She heard the sound of rubble moving, felt the jarring of her lower body and couldn't keep from crying out once again.

"Careful, LT!"

More tears bled from tired eyes, slowly trickling across ragged and abused skin. _LT …._

_You are not alone._

"Shepard, hang on! We've almost got you!"

Andi gasped roughly, the sound a ragged rip through the air around them. "Not … not this time," she managed after a moment. Eyes opening, she blinked as Ashley's face came into view.

"Shut up, Skipper," Ashley retorted instantly. "And that's an order! Vega, watch out with her legs!"

Andi's breath caught, a raspy cough forced out in the process that rattled through her broken and bruised body. "Ash …."

"Hang on, Lola," Vega's voice insisted. "Esteban's got the shuttle. We just need to get you out from under all this stuff."

Andi turned her head towards Ashley who had focused her attention at Andi's left side. "Ash," she breathed, "don't."

Their eyes met and Andi saw the moment Ashley recognized the truth. She didn't think she had ever seen the younger woman so sad before, even after Kaidan had been lost on Virmire.

"Let it … go."

The words were too much. Andi could feel her lungs collapsing, her body giving out at last. She had already lost all sensation from her waist down.

"Skipper …."

Eyes closing one final time, Andi held the sound of Ashley's voice nearby, like a warm hug from a sister or a dear friend.

~ 0 ~

"Andi."

She turned, his voice calling out to her as he approached through the familiar fields they had visited together before, that small smile he always held in reserve just for her, tilting at the corner of his lips. Reaching out a hand, she stepped closer as he took it. "For good this time?" she asked hopefully, her eyes searching his.

His smile widened. "Absolutely," he promised, pulling her close.

Walking into welcoming arms, Andi sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. "I couldn't have done it alone," she murmured.

"Ash was there," he pointed out. "Garrus. Tali. Liara …."

Andi shook her head and looked up at him. Taking his hand, she pressed it over her heart and held it there. "And you," she explained. "In here."

He turned his hand and wrapped his fingers around hers. "And me," he agreed before turning to lead her down the hill. "You were never alone."


End file.
